Corn-Teen

Dear kind-hearted people. Please stop fucking sending me videos on how to fight corona, conspiracy videos on how it started, etc... I’m getting the same 12 videos - fifty times a day. I know you mean well but omg I’m losing my mind. 

I get it. Hot lemon water and social distancing cures it. Malaria meds help. The Chinese doctor who knows the cure and “will be arrested for spreading awareness on how to stop it” has given you the clues. Trump manufactured it in his condo cause he’s a super smart genius. I got it. Thank you for trying to save me. 

I’m currently trying to eat my breakfast Oreos and ration toilet paper while resting before a long week coming up at ground zero chaos in a nursing home all whilst devising lesson plans for my three newly homeschooled children. 

For those asking: Silas is presently smelling expired products and determining if we can still use them. Cliff and I are divvying up old guitar case and car floor tip-change. Rosalind hasn’t left her room for two weeks and is writing her goodbye world letters in the dark ala Lydia Deets and preparing her wardrobe for her Beetlejuice- inspired afterlife. Cody has written fifteen requiems on flute and piano and is practicing his end of times fighting skills through Fortnite. Sebastian has eaten everything in sight and is naming all of the cockroaches in the house. The dogs are over the moon at all this activity and are building dirt castles outside. The cat still hates us. The bunnies are considering reproducing to create one more wave of protein source. The ducks are overeating and are fucking all over the lawn. We’re bored, but chill. 

K.Thx.Bye

#homeEC

#periodOne

#duckorgies