It's Worth a Shot....

Every conversation is about COVID these days. Ugh. I'm sick of it. 

Working on a COVID unit made me (somehow) the “expert” on all things COVID and lots of questions come my way about: the disease, what I am seeing in the hospitals, if the numbers are really right, how to get the vaccine, IF one should get the vaccine, how the vaccine works…

How bizarre, how bizarre.

Truth is: I don’t know much. I know that we get emails every day about how many existing patients are presently admitted to any Jackson facility (it is 155 today and hovers around that number although several months ago, it was up to 999); and how many we have discharged (in the 4ks). Does that reveal how many Miamians are infected? No. I think people tend to handle the symptoms at home now and aren’t rushing to the ER just at the onset of infection, anymore. The fear remains in many, but it isn’t the death sentence for everyone that we initially predicted. This is not to diminish the absolute devastation for those we lost to COVID-19. I’m still mourning quite a few people. To say that someone who has a pre-existing condition is the MOST/only susceptible to succumbing to this doesn’t seem 100% factual. I’ve seen 99 year old diabetic Hospice patients not even sneeze at COVID-19 infections and others who were young, healthy and no pre-existing issues- lose legs, lungs and life to it. I’m hoping more light can be shed on this someday. Maybe it is a blood type/gene thing? Some of the loudest know-it-alls got this thing and it brought them to their knees. Time will tell what other symptoms and long-lasting effects this will have. I don't get joy in saying " I told you so..." but I sincerely hope you stick around long enough for me to say it to you- in person- and not davening over a Kiddush candle. 

What do I know? I know that it enters via a few different face holes (nose, mouth, eyes…) and it is more contagious in droplets than on surfaces. This does not stop me from over-sanitizing every chair, table and glass I touch. I still try and not hug people. And when well-intended friends come at me full throttle, I tend to give side-hip contact- head spun around behind me like the Exorcist maneuver and I close my eyes and hold my breath. Does this help? Probably not. I consider it “harm-reduction” because who wants to be the jerk who refuses a hug? It’s been me. I still have that pandemic fatigue and admittedly, becoming a ‘vaccinate’ has also made me a little more sloppy with regard to my armor. It’s careless. I’m working on it every day. I’m sorry for not setting a better example and “near-missing” and elbow-bumping everyone. I forget. I should be better about that.

I was one of those people who was offered the first round of vaccines. Lots of people got up in arms asking why me. I remind them that my full time job isn’t slinging cover tunes for $100 and some chicken wings. That apart from my busty dresses and sparkly anecdotes while regaling you with Wonderwall for the 900^th time, that I’ve been up since 5am in a hazmat suit interviewing COVID patients about their long-term rehabilitation plans, assessing for competency and putting together advance directives to cover them in the likely event that they should be unable to make their own healthcare decisions and get intubated. Then I hand them lists of affordable cremation services and take complaints from “residents” who have been boarded up in their rooms since March of 2020, while this monster lurks in their own homes…  I answer questions about why ‘we’ get to go home and they cannot. We (staff) live our lives and then bring the worst of our decisions back to the most vulnerable populations.

We enter into the employee patio and sanitize our hands. We answer the questions about having symptoms or having been out of the country- which we have all learned to answer as ‘no’ to all. We use our Nozin nasal sanitizers to reduce admission of the coronavirus through our nasal passages. A lovely lady points a thermometer at our head like we are being held at gunpoint (or at our hands on lazy days), jots down the reading as though a normal temp clears us from being a hazard; and we enter the building to clock in. Twice a week, we wait in lines to get our antigen test where we swab the insides of each nostril and it is mixed in a solution, spread on a pregnancy-test-looking applicator and our badges line up next to our tests while we wait for the snot solution to absorb up into the panel. One by one, the tests are shoved into the readers, our badges and test sample bar codes are scanned and we wait with baited breath to know if we were careful enough the days before. The reader prints out a receipt. We add date of birth, the verbiage “no symptoms” and sign it. We walk out proud, as if there wasn’t a moment as the snot sauce boiled up to the plastic indicator that we didn’t have tremendous fear and embarrassment for the potential we would be the one singled out as the contagion. You never know ‘who,’ but there are always 1-2 employees who test positive, and then they are sent to another clinic for the PCR test for more conclusive data. Some come back with false positive readings and life resumes, some we don’t hear from for a while. All residents are then re-tested and the cycle starts again in two days. It’s exhausting. So, when then vaccine was offered again to the initial pile of declinations, I decided to accept.

When we signed the original paperwork that was just assessing general interest in receiving the vaccine to gage how many vials Jackson would have to order, it was considerably low. I was among those who said what I hear a lot “I’ll wait for the next round.” I had this understanding that this was some sort of expedited trial run to see if it worked without enough time to test the ramifications of “varying your DNA.” All of that sounded like a set up for a commercial from the Law Offices of Weasel & Shmooze where we are asked the dreaded question “Were you among the first to receive the COVID-19 vaccine? You may be entitled to compensation…” Only, I don’t end up fat and happy on a billboard “Got Me 400k” – instead, I’m limbless with horn-like growths and my settlement pays just enough for a graveside service and bereavement services for the kids.

On one hand, I’m being offered the antidote to all of our suffering all year; the chance to comingle, hug and sing without possibly dying…  On the other hand, I’m laden with whispers of: how the vaccine was made “too fast,” how I could be potentially poisoning myself and being another one of those litigious people with like bad bladder mesh or some weird disease like Coronviralthelioma? Then again… all of these hard-hit populations were screaming and fighting to be among the first to get this protection. How could I shrug it off while teachers and sick people were desperate for my shot to get this shot? Cue: Hamilton ‘I am not giving away my shot…’

So, I went. I filled out the “Badge Buddy” to offer information about me, the fact that I had no symptoms and my commitment to returning to the same center for the second dose in three weeks. I landed at Jackson Main to a perfectly orchestrated assembly line of registration, confirmation, questions, administration, photo-op, 15-minute observation room, vaccination card & stamp, and bag of cookies and water for the exit out. Boom. Done.

That evening, the arm I received the vaccine in felt heavy, painful, achy. It sucked. It hurt into most of the next day. That evening, it went away. Easy.

The chaos ensued after the first round. The medical community became divided by scientists and cynics. It was a Dr. Seuss Starbelly episode where badges were stamped with vaccinated or NOT and everyone had an opinion on everything. 

The boss lady stared at my vaccination sticker and stated adamantly that she would not get it. First, it was because it would alter her precious DNA. Then, she felt it was made in too much haste and would consider ‘the next one’ because vaccines take “years and years” to develop and this was simply a sloppy mask-tape job on a much deeper problem. Then, she vomited some Big-Pharma stuff about how much money they would make and how it defecated on her dignity. Then, she spurted some conspiracy theory about being tracked with ‘whatever they implanted in us’ in lieu of the antidote. Then she stated that she had the official exemption because she “almost died” from the flu shot. (Finally, some real sense in why she shouldn’t get it). Then, she heard she couldn’t travel to the country she visits annually without vaccination confirmation. Now she says she likes the “new one” coming from Europe that hasn’t been approved for the U.S. yet, so she is “excited” about that one. Then, she spoke about all of the inorganic ingredients that are almost as bad as the vaccine "poisons" itself. She basically gave me all the reasons I heard from everyone else about not getting the vaccination.

I actually worried for myself for half a second after hearing some of this information. I mean, I got like 25% of the poison and was scheduled for the other 75% in mere weeks. I read. I also heard the clap backs about how vaccinations take ‘years’ to test, not necessarily to produce. I heard that this wasn’t a new vaccine, but rather an old science that was developed years ago and only just recently had the funds to finish the technology and produce massive amounts of it. Then, I heard that the mRNA ‘technique” was actually SO advanced, that this could evolve to vaccinations against HIV, future flu’s and more… But what about the altering of DNA?

So, what I know (from, you know… "a reader "so I "didn’t turn into a waffle waitress"… and thank you, waffle waitresses for your service- no disrespect, but….):

·         The vaccine was not made at record speed. Everyone says “it takes 7-10 years to make a proper vaccine…” The mRNA vaccine was already a “thing” and it took a pandemic to throw the money at the developers, manufacturers and what not to speed up the process of production/testing/manufacturing/disseminating to the masses. Ya’ll are thinking about polio vaccine in the 50’s or the “record-time” vaccine of mumps that was developed in “JUST” four years back in 1960? I know that seems like yesterday, but newsflash: that 60 years ago, bruh. My phone recognizes my face and my fingerprint. My kid has VR in his bedroom. Get your head out of the microwave dinners and tin foil hats… Maybe a little more CNN and a little less Nick-at Night? mRNA as a concept has been studied for various viruses for a long time, now. We have been developing them for cancer, Zika… all the things. Not new. Not at all.

·        No, they don’t CHANGE your precious DNA, you potato. I know the “N-A” confuses you… What isn’t anonymous how narcotics may have biologically manipulated your brain cells to make you think the government is going to manipulate you and track you- more so than… hmmmm YOUR PHONE?! Worry not, you can continue to poison yourself with the preservatives in your foods and chemicals in your red bull and say stuff like “I hate vacuuming” and get an ad for vacuums on your feed in minutes… This is not the poison, DNA-altering substance you’re thinking about.

o   mRNA gives our cells instructions on ‘how to deal’ and ‘what to do.’ There is no live virus that gives you COVID-19 or makes you test falsely positive. mRNA doesn’t mess with the “nucleus cell” (hello, Science class in 3^rd grade) where genetic material is kept. The cool part is that it’s like one of those 007 letters- the cell or “instructions” that we get from “the shot” breaks down after the instructions are read and everyone gets the memo. The instructions: “Make a fake spike protein that looks like what is on the façade of a COVID-19 strain. Take a close look at this f**ker. If you see him in real-life, hit the barrier wall button you’ve had time to construct and release the army you’ve built. It doesn’t mean it won’t enter into your land, but it gives you a better shot at being prepared to fight it and not like… lose a limb or a lung or DIE.

o   It’s a fire drill. It’s a simulation. It’s the proverbial paper “bad guy” you aim at during shooting practice; only smarter and comes with a reminder and a loaded gun when the real bad guy actually comes at you. It’s the fake blood splatters and possum pose when the bad guy comes lurking and assumes you’re already dead, so walks over you. He’s still lurking in the woods, but in time, he will disappear and you’ll be unscathed; hopefully. That’s the goal. Don’t quote me. You may still die. You could die from anything. Anything.

·       YOU CAN STILL CONTRACT IT AND PASS IT ON TO SOMEONE ELSE. So, keep the distance, masks and sanitizers on standby. Having antibodies reduces the potential for YOUR OWN PERSONAL symptoms, so you could be carrying it and unknowingly pass it on to someone else. This saves YOU, not everyone else. So, continue to use caution.

·      Yes, new strains are being discovered. The vaccine works on those, too. The disease is still relatively new, so much is still being learned about its mutation behaviors, the populations who are susceptible for reinfection (yes, possible, but rare), and how all of this affects personal immunity. The basic stuff that has been the same: remain diligent and protected (mask, distance, hygiene). *Side note: when this was all new, the COVID units were filled with residents who could not be discharged until they tested negative TWICE. Some stayed for months and months and never had a single symptom. We have now followed CDC guidelines that allow quarantine periods to end and reintegration into general population when symptoms have been absent for over 10 days. You may continue to test positive. You may test negative after testing positive and then test positive again. Is it a reinfection? Did it just lie dormant and resurface? Was it a faulty test that lead you to believe you were negative? This is all still being studied. Testing positive doesn’t mean you have an active infection that is spreadable.

o   Antigen tests let you know if you are in active infection. It’s the quick test. Nasal swabs superficially. 15 minutes.

o   Antibody tests let you know if you have personal immunity. Blood test.

o   PCR tests are the gold standard. It’s the super-deep brain-material collection of RNA (that is specific to the virus- the actual RNA, not the fake mRNA) that can take like 24-48 hours.

So, the second vaccine… Yeah. That hit hard. I won’t lie. I get persuasively (forcefully) coerced into the flu shot every year. I don't feel it. I’m the chick who doesn’t get sick and when I do, you’d never be able to tell: because I keep singing and moving and shaking and working. It’s just never that bad. Maybe the childhood with years of strep throat and personal stock in Z-packs have just equipped me for general health. I eat pretty well and take vitamins. Maybe after druglessly ripping my vagina open with three very large child births just made every illness pale in comparison? Well, I famously told my concerned boss that I would be “fine” and “see <her> tomorrow” after returning from the second vaccine (another seamless event of assembly line registration and subsequent administration: easy peasy). That night, my arm started to ache before bed… I was like “whatevs…” Later… every square box of symptoms of “you may experience…” was checked.

•          Headache
•          Fever
•          Fatigue
•          Body aches
•          Chills
•          Pain at the injection site
•          Sore throat

 All. The. Things. I told my mom and she was concerned. I missed work. I never miss work. Mom felt like it was comparable to contracting the virus and made sense as to why she should NOT get it, even though she is over 65 and when she gets sick, she gets SIIIIIICCCCKKK and like, for forever. 

It wasn’t comparable to actually contracting the coronavirus. Wanna know why? Because in like 26 hours, it was 90% better. By 30 hours, it was gone. No ICU. No intubation/respirator. No fibrotic scarring on my lungs. And I didn't maybe DIE. 

I missed one day of work. One. I didn’t lose taste, smell, have a cough, throw a DVT and lose a limb… I didn’t die. So, yeah. An adult fever turned me into a damn child-like mess. And I lived to tell the tale.

And, now I get this “star” for my badge like a star-bellied sneetch. And, unfortunately… I can’t tell who has a star upon thars. I can’t tell who has been maskless and has not partied in public with precaution. And I don’t think I am better than the bare-bellied sneetches, but I do ask that we all continue to navigate with precaution and to stop spreading misinformation. I also implore the public, especially those who work in the service industry, those forced to work in public spaces, healthcare or who have sick, old, young people they care for in proximity:

Please continue to use diligence with spreading this. You may just get a cold, but your friends and their families may not be so lucky. I promise we will all hug soon, let’s limit that- just for now- when I see you. It’s not rejection… it’s just smart. For now. And if you HAVE the opportunity to get vaccinated, please do so. And if you choose NOT to- please evaluate WHY you do not want to and ensure that the data you are receiving is from an educated source to either support or dispel your concerns- and not based solely on politically/religiously-spewed stupidity. I respect everyone’s decision whether or not to vaccinate- but I do not respect your free-will to knowingly spread this beast to ill-prepared and unsuspecting passerby because you don’t think it is a real threat. If you choose to be reckless, just keep your distance from those who are not. I sincerely hope this “second chance” will come your way with a “more advanced” vaccine or “after enough time has passed” for you to read the results and feel more comforted with the evolution of the science and data we collect. I hope you get the time you need to make that decision. But, please make your decisions with DATA gathered from unbiased sources. Maybe MULTIPLE sources. Compare. Contrast. Ask questions. I wish you all health. I wish us all clear conversations that aren’t covid-related soon. 

Keep breathing, my people. And not into respirators because you got too comfortable. Or in my face holes, because you "already had it and it wasn't that bad and <you> can't get it again..." 

But, like... into your mask... six feet away. 

Love you.